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~ A Doggie Dictionary ~ |
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LEASH:
A
Strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your people
where you want them to go. DOG
BED: Any
soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or
the newly upholstered couch in the living room. DROOL: Is
what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly, you must sit as close as you can and
look sad. Let the drool
fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps. GARBAGE
CAN: A
container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your
ingenuity. You must stand
on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose.
If you do it right, you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to
shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread, not to mention
other surprises. BICYCLES: Two-wheeled
exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat.
To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and
dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then
swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away. LAUNDRY: Soft
articles of material that are quite chewable (aids in teething).
When fresh out of the dryer they are exceptionally cuddly. DEAFNESS: This
is a condition which affects dogs when their person wants them to come
in and they want to stay out. Symptoms
include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite
direction, or lying down and getting appear to be getting comfy. BATH: This
is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves.
You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently especially when
covered with foamy soap. THUNDER: This
is a signal that the world is coming to an end.
Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is
necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably,
panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels. WASTE
BASKET: This
is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers, among
other very messy things. When
you get bored, turn over the baskets and strew the contents all over the
house until your person comes home. SOFAS: Are
to dogs like napkins are to people.
After eating, digging, enjoying the rain and especially after a
bath, it is appropriate to run up and down the font of the sofa and wipe
your whiskers and muzzle clean. BUMP: The
best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh
cup of coffee or tea. GOOSE
BUMP: A
maneuver to use as a last resort when the 'Regular Bump' doesn't get the
attention you require……. LEAN: Every
good dog's response to the command "sit!", especially if your
person is dressed for an evening out.
Incredibly effective before
black-tie events. CHILDREN: Short
humans of optional petting height.
Standing close to one assures some good petting.
When running, they are good to chase.
If they fall down, they are comfortable to sit on.
You can help them at this time by licking their face clean of any
residual food particles. LOVE: A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return. |