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~ Some Things A Dog Must Try To Remember ~ |
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1.
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff even though I haven't
gotten
the
chance to rip the bag to shreds to see what is in it. 2.
I will not suddenly stand straight up when lying under the coffee table. 3.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. 4.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE I enter the house. 5.
I will not eat the cat's food, before or after they eat it. 6.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in
the
house
when I am about to throw up or have an accident. 7.
I will not throw up in the car. 8.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. 9.
I will not lick my humans face after eating animal potty. 10.
"Kitty box crunchies" are not food! 11.
I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard or
house
depending
on which end of me processes it first. 12.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. 13.
I will not play tug-o-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. 14.
I will not chew on my human's toothbrush and not tell them. 15. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially the red ones, or people will think
I
am 16. I will not take whatever I please, hide it under the bed and watch my people
have a
scavenger
hunt looking for it. 17. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it is
raining
outside. 18.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on the
T.V. 19. I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance proudly with it all around the
backyard. 20.The
sofa is not a face towel. Neither
are Mom or Dad's laps. 21.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 22. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's
license 23. I will not stand around Mom when she is cooking or when she is carrying her
coffee,
so she
won't trip over me. 24.
I will not beg for food at the supper table, and especially not assume
it's
mine
when they leave it for just a moment. 25.
I will not tear up the patio furniture, or put holes in the screen so I
may jump in and lounge, just because I don't want to stay outside for more than two
minutes. 26.
I will not chase the cat and knock over breakable things in the process. 27.
I will allow Mom and Dad some room and covers when we go to bed. 28. I will not suddenly erupt in a fury of unprovoked vocalization, making my people believe the S.W.A.T. Team is positioned outside out house, just to
prove that I'm a
good watchdog. 29.
If I have a story I feel the need to tell all the neighborhood dogs, I promise to tell it only once. |