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~ Cat Physics ~ |
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Law
of Cat Inertia A
cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some
outside force
– such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. Law
of Cat Motion A
cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason
to change
direction. Law
of Cat Magnetics All
blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to
the darkness of the fabric. Law
of Cat Thermodynamics Heat
flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in
which all heat flows to the cat. Law
of Cat Stretching A
cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap
just taken. Law
of Cat Sleeping All
cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as
uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat. Law
of Cat Elongation A
cat can make their body long enough to reach just about any counter top
that has anything remotely interesting on it. Law
of Cat Acceleration A
cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to
stop. Law
of Dinner Table Attendance Cats
must attend all meals when anything good is served. Law
of Rug Configuration No
rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long. Law
of Obedience Resistance A
cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for them to do
something. First
Law of Energy Conservation Cats
know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will,
therefore, use as little energy as possible. Second
Law of Energy Conservation Cats
also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping. Law
of Refrigerator Observation If
a cat watches long enough, someone will come along and take out
something good to eat. Law
of Electric Blanket Attraction Turn
on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of
light. Law
of Random Comfort Seeking A
cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot
in any given room. Law
of Bag / Box Occupancy All
bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest
possible nanosecond. Law
of Milk Consumption A
cat will drink their weight in milk, squared, just to show you they can. Law
of Furniture Replacement A
cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost
of the furniture. Law
of Cat Landing A
cat will always land on the softest place possible. Law
of Fluid Displacement A
cat immersed in milk will displace their own volume, minus the amount of
milk consumed. Law
of Cat Disinterest A
cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of
effort a human expends in trying to interest them. Law
of Pill Rejection Any
pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity. Law
of Cat Composition A Cat is composed of Matter + Anti-matter + it Doesn't Matter. |